Pranams to Bill for sharing this joke at one of the Starbucks meetings!
A monk is accepted into a monastery that has an extreme vow of silence. Upon entry he is told, "You can say two words every five years."
After the first five years he says, "Bed hard."
Then after another five years he says, "Food sucks."
And finally after five more years he says, "I quit." To which the abbot replies, "I thought you might. Since you've been here you've done nothing but complain!"
Did you hear about the snail that died?
While he was between incarnations he said to another snail, "I hope this time I am reincarnated as a red race car covered with yellow S's." "Why?" the other snail asked. Said the snail: "So as I zoom around the race track everyone can say, 'Look at that S car go! Look at that S car go!'"